Unexpected attic adventures

It all started with that noise in the night.

This being the dormouse and the walnut season. Do you have that in your homes?

The time when you have trouble sleeping because little doormice or pine Martens are having fun rolling walnuts and acorns over the wood of your ceilings.

Just when you really want to be asleep at 0342 and not wondering if that is rat activity or just small mice.

You always pray it’s not rats.

I decided to see if anything was making a nest above our bed in the main bedroom. So that involved getting a large ladder and climbing up inside the Protestant Hole in the ceiling off the hallway.

Yes, yes, some have Priest Holes, ours is decidedly Protestant.

It’s a handy little trap door that gives access to a hiding place in case the Dragonnard soldiers of the 17th century come calling.

Or in this case, to get into our loft.

We have insulated the whole ceiling in the past decade. A job that required a huge amount of material, and a small stature.

You can’t stand up in there, but it is beautifully clear and orderly. And empty. And large.

So up I went with the halogen lamp and had a good peer around.

A hum.

I heard a hum.

Nothing too alarming but I was shining the light all around where I thought there’d be a nest. Over in the far corner where I was kept awake.

And instead I noticed some wasps behind me heading towards the very warm lamp.

Craning into the corner I spotted this.

And almost fell off the ladder back down to the floor below.

Can I possibly describe the shock? This thing is HUGE. And humming.

And right above where we sleep.

I retreated as I realised the halogen lamp was causing whatever creatures inside to become agitated.

And once my heartbeat returned to something akin to normal I went back up.

With a phone torch and nothing else.

Mud. The whole huge structure (and we are talking the size of two basketballs in circumference) is made of mud.

Which baffles me as we aren’t really a mud sort of place.

Mud dauber wasp maybe. That would be nice. Far better than what I fear … bald faced hornets. Giant European hornets.

Those swarming over the structure are definitely wasps. But I don’t think it is their sort of nest.

I suspect they might have moved in once the original ‘owners’ died.

But what? I just don’t know. Looking pictures up on line made me feel a bit sick.

And I don’t dare try and find out. I shut the trap and bid a retreat.

But before I did, I took this close up as I was just so amazed at how beautiful the structure is.

So for now it will be a trip to the Pompiers. The volunteer fire brigade in the next village to get advice.

I’d love to get it down in once piece and display it on a plinth…

But not if a zillion killer hornets come flying out.