I could murder a kevlar onesie

Heavy work boots, thick jeans, three layers of clothing; my thickest gauntlets, a full face proector and my sharpest pair of secateurs.

Oh yes, it’s the annual battle with the brambles on the septic tank wall.

For some mad reason I decided it was time to get out the strimmer and attend to matters behind my lovely cherry tree and olive on the bank below the soft fruit orchard.

It is a high bank that hides the septic tank. Goodness only knows where the tank is: no one has found it for thirty years. But it works beautifully and I have a marker where the access point can be found. So everyone thinks it’s best to leave it be.

But you can’t ignore the lush vegetation that sprouts all over the huge long bank. Brambles, grape vines (for some reason), stinging nettles and grass. And random weeds I cannot identify but are useful handholds as I swing up the steep slope and cut the thick brambles at their base.

Why I chose to do this on a hot day (20C) in October beats me. It would be a perfect cold winter chore where you actually enjoyed the exertion.  Even if you have to accept the lacerations. Why don’t they manufacture proper bramble clothing? Lightweight kevlar would work.

But it is oh so satisfying when it’s done. All I need now is a house elf to rake all the brambles down from the bank; bundle them onto a heavy duty tapaulin, and then drag them up to the end of the parking area (avoiding the two cars parked there) and shoving them down the steep cliff face into the forest.

House elf? Oh, that would be me.

But first I need to attack the brambles that are growinng outside the stables first. I have neglected this area all season. So that means I have a forest to cut back. I have come indoors for a cup of tea and then I’ll need to get the heavier loppers. The brambles at the base of this wall are too thick for my trusty secateurs.

Sigh. And I thought I was going to have an elegant day planting bulbs and lounging about the potting shed making lists and bothering the cat.