Cauliflowers are the only flowers

What on earth do you do with a bucket of slugs? I didn’t get into this gardening business to be a killer, but I find myself with a huge haul of gastropods, and don’t know what to do with them. It was a gorgeous blustery, sometimes sunny day and I spent the entire time on my knees weeding. It was great work as there weren’t any difficult things (apart from the slugs) to pull out. Easy to fork, then kneel down and pull the large roots and small pebbles.

I’ve become quite interested in the slugs. There are so many different varieties. Naturally there are the huge recoil-in-horror shiny black fat ones. But the majority are tiny (half the size of a fingernail) and rather attractively grey and orange. Are they the babies? They all went into the bucket of course. And I did spend the day wondering what to do with them. Some of them drowned in the water at the bottom, but other more intrepid ones managed to slide up in a bid to escape. I know I know, I’m going to have to kill them with salt. But here is the consequence – what do I do with the salty water and the quite frankly disgusting body count? There’s nowhere to hide these things as my compost bins are full of what I hope will go back onto the garden in a years time. I shall ponder this.

As this is to be the flower garden I was quite cheerful in imagining what gorgeous colour this part of the plot will display in a few months. I have no idea what to plant. All those Latin names of plants which are utterly alien to me. But I shall learn. The nice Irishman came past (his exercise, inspecting plots and having little chats) he stooped to admire the tulips that are coming up in the beds on the path opposite my site and then had a chat.
More weeding?
Never ends.
What are you going to plant there?
Flowers. This is to be my flower garden.
(Recoil in mock horror) Cauliflowers are the only ones you should grow.
And he chuckled off back to his perfect plot.