I’m under house arrest waiting for the plumber to turn up (some time today is about as precise as they ever get) so did a bit of seed work. And baked bread, and made cakes, and visited my neighbour in quest of pea sticks.

The house on the corner opposite our house is very imposing and scary. As are the owners. But I noticed that they did a major pruning in their garden, and the yield is temptingly interesting. Lots of straight sticks. I girded my loins and rang the bell. The lady of the house answered (attractive pink glasses so I was immediately mollified as I was wearing my new attractive maroon ones) and I introduced myself and said my spiel about pea sticks. She was quite friendly and alas, told me that her husband was going to make his annual willow pod in the garden for the children, so I couldn’t take any prunings until after the weekend. We did get chatting about gardens, and she wanted to know all about my allotment, so that was a good conversation spark. I shall go back late on Sunday afternoon or Monday and see if there are any sticks for me.

And in the meantime I really must go up to my roof terrace and take the fleeces off the bottle brush trees. They have been molly coddled long enough.

Vegetable: Basil
How many?: 12
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In a warm heated room

What on earth do you do with a bucket of slugs? I didn’t get into this gardening business to be a killer, but I find myself with a huge haul of gastropods, and don’t know what to do with them. It was a gorgeous blustery, sometimes sunny day and I spent the entire time on my knees weeding. It was great work as there weren’t any difficult things (apart from the slugs) to pull out. Easy to fork, then kneel down and pull the large roots and small pebbles.

I’ve become quite interested in the slugs. There are so many different varieties. Naturally there are the huge recoil-in-horror shiny black fat ones. But the majority are tiny (half the size of a fingernail) and rather attractively grey and orange. Are they the babies? They all went into the bucket of course. And I did spend the day wondering what to do with them. Some of them drowned in the water at the bottom, but other more intrepid ones managed to slide up in a bid to escape. I know I know, I’m going to have to kill them with salt. But here is the consequence – what do I do with the salty water and the quite frankly disgusting body count? There’s nowhere to hide these things as my compost bins are full of what I hope will go back onto the garden in a years time. I shall ponder this.

As this is to be the flower garden I was quite cheerful in imagining what gorgeous colour this part of the plot will display in a few months. I have no idea what to plant. All those Latin names of plants which are utterly alien to me. But I shall learn. The nice Irishman came past (his exercise, inspecting plots and having little chats) he stooped to admire the tulips that are coming up in the beds on the path opposite my site and then had a chat.
More weeding?
Never ends.
What are you going to plant there?
Flowers. This is to be my flower garden.
(Recoil in mock horror) Cauliflowers are the only ones you should grow.
And he chuckled off back to his perfect plot.

Well it’s official; I have pea stick envy. Arriving at the allotment this morning I was amazed and utterly envious of the rows and rows of pea sticks lined up at the Irish gardener’s plot right next to the cars. How does he do it? And how on earth does he have a plot that shows no signs of paths or footprints, but everything is set up for peas? He must rake behind him as he finishes a row – give the man a job in a Japanese gravel garden. It’s a perfect site and sight.

I had the whole day to garden which was a real treat. Yesterday was spent with a bunch of climate change activists plus Al Gore in a crowded conference room. And today was just me communing with my own piece of the planet. The only endangered species being slugs.

I started by writing out a plan of what I actually planted in the potato beds. Took off the fleece, scattered the chicken pellets down the lines just I had promised, and returned the fleece to their soil and rocks as anchors. Doing this job first thing was a mistake. I had the dubious honour of smelling of chicken pooh for the rest of the day. It is exceptionally aromatic. Even a fellow allotmenteer’s Jack Russell dog walking past took an unseemly interest in me, but I’m assured it will do good.

Next task, apart from basking in the glorious sunshine (marred only by a partial eclipse), was to get the bottom bed ready for David’s potatoes. Not much was needed as I had already weeded (hah! that fresh air again makes me rhyme things). I prepared the two trenches and will plant the potatoes next week. But first I had to cut off the excess horticultural fleece and cover this top bed too. The plot looks lovely – all covered in white fleece.

Inspired by the glorious pea sticks others were using, I hunted about my poor plot for any suitable candidates. These were the ones I had ‘rescued’ from Regent’s Park a few months back. It looks like I will have to go out hunting again. A few didn’t look too embarrassingly bent or weedy and I placed them in a sculptural row where the peas are going next week. (Lots of next week planning here – I’m nervous about frosts. But I have dug the two trenches for the peas in preparation.) They will probably blow over in the first gust of wind.

My hand-made tarpaulin rain trap (attached to the wheelie bin) suffered from this gusty stuff, it fell to the ground. So I have secured it a bit more firmly and then came upon a cunning plan. At the bottom of the plot I have impermeable plastic covering the weeds. And rain has been puddling there quite gleefully. So I pulled it up and dug a trench and then placed the plastic back over it, hoping to have a jolly good scoopable source of rainwater. Naturally I accidentally cut a few holes in the plastic by leaning on my spade in between arduous digging exercise and pronging the vital membrane behind me; but it should trap some of the precious water. The hose pipe ban starts on Saturday.

Next it was time to do some real planting.

I grew bulbs of lilies in pots here at home last year and they were gorgeous. I didn’t really think hard about their eventual blooming in August – and planted up two pots of seven lilies each at the same time; which meant I had a glut all at once. So I am going to stagger the planting this year; two weeks apart. And they are now sitting in the bottom of the salad and herb bed ready to receive all that lovely sunlight and rain.

I have been reading from Sarah Raven’s book about growing flowers for the house and I am feeling very ambitious. I want a flower garden too. So far I have been heeding everyone’s advice about not taking on too big a project on the first allotment. But I think I have shown that I have the gumption to dig and weed and plant and nurture what I have. After lunch (left over Thai chicken casserole with rice scooped cold with a takeaway plastic fork and very dirty fingers out of Tupperware while resting after weeding) I stalked up to the top end of the site still covered in plastic and thought: that’s where the flowers will go. So all being well – and they promise rather adventurous rain storms tomorrow, I want to get weeding up there too.

I must bring my broom to the shed tomorrow; it’s full of soil, bark chips and sand that has accumulated over the past few months. I’m nervous that Jana will turn up and turf me out for being a bad shed sharer.

To finish the day – storm clouds brewing – I started the carrot bed. My father in law’s family had a nifty way to grow long and fat carrots. They dug about with this massive piece of steel and made a good-sized hole; then with an equal mix of sand and compost, filled the hole back up again. Supposedly I am to deftly drop just one carrot seed onto the top of this prepared bed, sit back and wait for huge carrots to be produced. Well, I shall follow advice as I have never grown carrots before.

Half the area reserved for carrots will get this treatment, and the rest will just have to be the traditional way –scatter and hope. I did feel silly wielding such a heavy weapon but they did make good deep holes in the clay. I think it’s too early to do the seeds. I need to put up the fleece curtain around the bed to deter carrot fly, and I have run out of the flimsy material. Perhaps I shall drive up on Saturday when the little allotment shop is open and see if they sell it. Mind you, they probably find the fabric completely sissy and will refuse to stock it, but we shall see.

Vegetable: Stargazer Lily
How many?: 7
How planted?: Plastic pot
Notes: Sunk into bed 3

Harvested some more purple sprouting broccoli from the upstairs terrace just as more rain started falling. This soaking rain is lovely. Putting off my Sunday run by potting some more jiffys with more cabbage and kale.

Potted on the Sutton broad beans (great upright habit and already showing signs of flowers) and the three other Aquadulce broad beans (plus one monstrous Dwarf French bean which was pushing up and out of its jiffy container in a matter of a week. The broad beans could have lasted another week in their growing medium but quite frankly, I needed the root trainers for more peas. Next year I must grow more of the Suttons if they taste good; less leggy than the Aquadulce.

Vegetable: Kale Red Bor F1
How many?: 4
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In a warm heated room

Vegetable: Greyhound Cabbage
How many?: 6
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In a warm heated room

Vegetable: Pea Kelvedon Wonder
How many?: 8
How planted?: Root Trainers
Notes: Unheated room upstairs

I’m trying to decipher my notes. They are rain-stained and smudged, but I think I have remembered what I planted. Yes, today my birthday, I actually had to garden in the rain. Well gentle splatters, but it’s wet and it’s wonderful.

We finally have spring here in London, and I thought it was a great idea to celebrate turning 42 (so middle aged) by planting potatoes. I was worried that there would be no space in the small car park as this is the first days of good weather since Autumn. But there were a few spaces left when I arrived at midday. I needed a wheelbarrow to get all my supplies out of the car – the chitted potatoes and the burgeoning broad bean plants and the tools.

My first task was to take off the fleece that is protecting the potato bed, and start measuring out the rows. Measure out, place the string that holds the line straight, lay out the planks to stand on, attach the knee pads, get out the trowel, and get down to digging the small trench. A few ominous signs of slugs I fear. I’m loathe to use slug pellets but I will have to accept small holes in my tubers if I don’t use chemicals. More slugs at the top of the plot, few at the bottom and quite a few weeds that have escaped my careful weeding the month before. But the routine was quickly established. Dig, put weeds and severed slugs into a bag, keep the line of the trench straight, and then place the tubers in their required space. The spacing can get erratic when you are four rows down and rather hungry, but I tried my best. Then fill in the trench, mound it up a bit, write out the label, and place a piece of string over the row to mark the spot. Stand back, admire and move on to the next.

By the end of the day (and the beginning of the rain) I had done six rows. Add that to the two rows of Lady Christl I had done earlier in the week, and the bed is almost full. Just a few more Charlottes and some Pink Fir ones to go.

I have had the broad beans out on the roof terrace at home for a few months, and they were getting frankly monstrous in their cut down plastic water bottle containers. The roots were trying to escape through the caps. And they were going curly. I never have straight broad beans. So even though the clouds were massing overhead, I knew I had to get them in. But it started to rain and I rushed the whole process. Goodness knows how wonky they will be when I go back the next time. I didn’t even mark out a straight row; just dug and chucked them in. Two and a half rows of very luscious green shoots. They look rather forlorn in such a sea of brown soil. And they may all fail, but I hope they take. The soil is lovely and moist and at that bed, weed free.

Rino, my Italian neighbour came over on his way to the shop. He tried to explain to me that he was off to get some fertiliser for his plants. I think that was what he said. And when I answered ‘chicken pellets’ I didn’t get a confused look so that may have been the drift of our ‘conversation’. I realise now that I have forgotten to scatter the very pellets I was championing over some of my potato mounds. Must remember next time I take off the fleece.

Next came another Italian named Gabriel who was, I think, in search of the more winsome Jana, my co-plot holder. Lots of late middle aged Italian men cruise past in search of her (did I mention she is blonde and Czech and rather glam?) He had to be satisfied with me – covered in mud, covered up, and eager to keep working. But he did take the time out to tell me that I was Way Too Early with my potatoes – mid April being the preferred time to get the tubers in. But I did show him my horticultural fleece to cover the whole bed which seemed to placate him. And when he had gone away I thought, well it’s only two and a half weeks until Mid April, so I may just squeak in. Fingers crossed there is no frost.

I have noticed that although I am only a short walk away from the front entrance, their rhubarb is up and romping away, while mine is just a few inches high. The shelter from the fence nearby? Is it a frost pocket? I guess I will find out.

I will wait a week or so before I put in the rest of the potatoes – I will have to fix up the lower bed anyway before it’s ready for potatoes. And by then it may be time to start the carrots. They will need a complicated fleece barrier all the way around them to deter carrot fly. All this work will naturally be wasted as the entire crop will entirely be devoured by slugs in the soil. But I soldier on. And in a very public gaze. Quite a busy boulevard of Italian experts going past my beds having a very good inspection and sharp intake of breath.

Vegetable: Potato Lady Christ (4) Foremost (4)
How many?: 1 row (8 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Vegetable: Potato Foremost (8)
How many?: 1 row (8 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Vegetable: Potato Foremost (8)
How many?: 1 row (8 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Vegetable: Potato Nicola (5)
How many?: 1 row (5 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Vegetable: Potato Nicola (5) Charlotte (1)
How many?: 1 row (6 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Vegetable: Potato Charlotte (6)
How many?: 1 row (6 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Vegetable: Broad Bean Aquadulce Claudia
How many?: 1 row (6 plants)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 4

Vegetable: Broad Bean Aquadulce Claudia
How many?: 1 row (6 plants)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 4

Vegetable: Broad Bean Aquadulce Claudia
How many?: 2 plants
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 4

Well the weather hasn’t improved, but I’m raring to go. Up to the allotment to see what I can achieve.

I stalked the plot and looked for signs of growth. A few, very few weeds peeking through. Using Jana’s rake that is sitting in the shed, I raked all the beds to a finer level. The soil is like dried cannonballs of clay on top and crumbly grit underneath. I don’t think there has been much rain at all since I was away. In fact there was none.

Taking a break to inhale some leftover pasta, I went up to the wheelie bin to see that the tarp is secure. It is, and to check the level of water. Puddle depth inside. To actually get water out of the bin, I’ll have to throw myself in. It barely covers half a foot in the bottom.

While up there looking at my bags of rubbish (no sign of the skip in the car park either) I also inspected the daffs under the apple trees (no sign of blooms). I am getting repetitive. And I will rue this time when nothing very much is moving. It will all get on top of me in no time.

Planted the grape hyacinths under the tree.

Planted two rows (8 tubers per row) of Lady Christl first early potatoes. (Felt like a complete idiot digging a trench, placing the potatoes and not having enough soil to put back in place. Scavenging easy soil from other beds to cover up the tubers, all the while looking over my shoulder to check that no one was watching such an amateur patch up. Covered with fleece and wished them luck.)

Planted another row of Red Baron onions.
Rhubarb growing.
Robins swooping.

So much for a detailed diary – I think my brain is addled by all the fresh air.

Called Jana to ask about the payment (fees due April) and she admitted she hasn’t visited since January. We chatted carefully, and she asked whether I have managed to get up there myself. I was extremely self-effacing and admitted that I have done a bit of soil turning. What a show off I am. I can’t wait for her to see the progress. But hope that she doesn’t blanch at the amount of stuff in the very small shed.  The wheelbarrow alone takes up half the space.  And if she is there gardening, how will I pee?

Vegetable: Red Onion Red Baron
How many?: 1 row
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 2

Vegetable: Potato Lady Christ
How many?: 2 rows (8 tubers)
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 1

Too cold to go to the allotment today. Not to mention the amazing gusts of easterly winds buffeting the house. Picked up the blown over paper bark tree on the east balcony, brought up the tulips so they can grow even better in the sun on the top balcony. And planted some more seeds.

Vegetable: Capsicum Californian Wonder
How many?: 2
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In warm heated room

Vegetable: Cabbage Greyhound
How many?: 2
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In warm heated room

Well it feels like a spring day. Or is that just the pleasure of being in the ‘garden’? Had a good session up at the allotment today. Nothing dramatic happened during the two week enforced break. The garlic and onion bulbs are still there, and even sprouting a bit of green. And the wheelie bin has a bit more rain in its bottom. I have set up a water catchment system – stringing out the green tarpaulin over the compost bins, pulling it tight and securing the ends into the bin. Hopefully it will catch more rain over the next month.

Exciting development in the beds – the sight of little tiny weeds. Hurrah. The first bit of green. The soil is warming up under the fleece where the potatoes will go. Perhaps I will plant the first potatoes there next week.

I have planted a row of shallots next to the onions. They came from the allotment shop for the grand total of 65 pence. Haven’t heard about the variety before, but it was worth a try. Dug a mini trench, added some multi purpose compost and a bit of sharp sand. Planted away and looked back rather pleased.

After minutely inspecting the beds, and topping up the paths with some more bark chips, it was down to the onerous task of Yet More Weeding. It’s odd, I thought I had cleared more of the lower plot, but when I looked, it seems only five feet has been cleared. Have the weeds snuck up diabolically while I was away? I did another foot today. Dig over with a fork and then get down on my new knee pads and pull up each weed. A few more slugs in this section alas, but also dozens and dozens of fat juicy worms. The robins are too busy courting to bother with the free meals I was offering. But their song was a delight in the nearby trees.

After doing the laborious end plot for an hour or so, I was tempted to creep up to the top covered plot and turn over a little bit there too. It is to be the flower bed – and I would love to do a row of lilies up that end. They are definitely going to be in pots sunk into the ground mind you. Too much slug risk up there.

Sun came out, I got hungry, batteries ran out in my mp3, and the jet lag overtook. So back I have come to the top garden to inspect the plants. The seedlings are out having their sun kicks (what experts call hardening them off) and if I forget to bring them in this afternoon, they will have a frost kick as well. When will real spring ever begin?

Vegetable: Shallots Golden Gourmet
How many?: 1 row
How planted?: Directly into the soil
Notes: Bed 2

Vegetable: Pea Feltham First
How many?: 4
How planted?: Root Trainers
Notes: Unheated upstairs

Back from two weeks in Australia and thinking of my garden on the long dreary flight home. But where is Spring? It’s still only 7C and promises to be cold for another week. I must get out to the allotment tomorrow to see if I have any garlic or onions. And to work out some sort of better water collection system. The hose pipe ban will be in force from Easter.

I have checked over the seedlings that haven’t been loved while I was away. The peas are romping away; so too the sweet peas. They look way too leggy for me. But it’s just too cold to put them into more light. I’ll keep pinching out the tips and hoping for the best. Two of the beetroots didn’t sprout. So I have replanted. And the okra seeds were a damp squib so I have replanted but don’t hope for much.

David has very generously brought back from Yarrow some gardening tools for the future misery of garden weeds and joy for seeds – a hoe, rake, half moon and a pair of knee pads. Very kind of John Holden to pass on such old tools for the next generation.

Vegetable: Celeriac Monarch
How many?: 4
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In a warm heated room

Vegetable: Purple Sprouting Broccoli Summer
How many?: 4
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In a warm heated room

Vegetable: Dwarf French Bean Maxi
How many?: 2
How planted?: Jiffy 7s
Notes: In a warm heated room